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These past couple of weeks has been such an amazing journey filled with heartaches, mind-aches, brokenness, tears, but also with reconciliation, renewal, rebirth, adventure, confusion and challenges.
DEPARTURE OF THE SIBLINGS
My brother is on his way to Iraq for a year and will be in Japan for the next three years.And he gave me his Infiniti G-35.My sister went back to the godforsaken state called Texas hahaha.It’s just too hot there.So props to her.My brother should be in a much worse climate for the next year.So now two of the most important people in my life have taken a side step out of my book to live out their story.Hopefully their story will later get intertwined with mine again.
PRAYED OVER BY A PROPHET
I also was supposedly prayed over by a prophet.Yah my parents dragged me there.I didn’t really want to know my future or whatever is that they were going to tell me.Just not that exciting if you know, right?But it happened.The “prophet” (mind the quotes) said a lot of nice things about my future and me so I hope it comes true.Good thing I recorded it haha.
He said:
“You have a really good heart and a very nice personality. “ (I know =)hahaha)
“You are going to meet a wife soon and she’s going to be like an angel.”(This is where I might’ve disrupted the whole atmosphere because instead of saying “amen” like the typical Christian, I said, “cools!”)
“You will be traveling a lot to Asia and Africa.And you would be speaking to crowds.”(Awesome I love to go to Africa)
“I have a gift but I need to pray more—2 to 3 hours a day”(=0 wow how ?I’m pretty much done with my conversation with God throughout the day)
“Your kids love you and are waiting for you to come to church” (this was a tear-jerker)
I guess after this he was trying to make me fall.Some Christians call this “slain in the spirit”…I actually believe in this because I’ve not only witnessed it but I’ve supposedly slain someone in the spirit from a distance while they were on their knees.But that just happened once in my life in China.The rest of the time someone tried to do this to me I either fell because I felt bad for him or her or they had really bad breath.But I always knew there was someone behind me so I thought, “what the heck, this should be fun!”
Anyways they prayed over my brother and sister.
My sister’s was soooooo funny.The prophet said, “You’ve been stressed because a lot of schooling…………… keep studying hard.”ROFL
My brother well…he was more skeptic …But God loves him fo sho.
Retreat
This was an amazing time in my life.I was back with members that were in my praise team for a long time and were now a lot older and still sold out to God.It just felt really warm being with them again.
My students were there as well.Well, not all, just eight of them.But I can see that God was again doing something pretty mysteriously good. Minds were opened up to a larger picture of God as well as hearts being awakened to the love of God.Suddenly, it’s as if people rediscovered their humanity and felt God’s yearning desire to be involved in it.All the hard attitudes, the walls we built over time, the image and façade that we’ve been pushing on people begin to melt as we felt the heat of God’s passionate pursuit for our lives.It was a moment of knowing that we are all really broken people and that we can unite around that and allow God to make beautiful what has been broken.Pretty much like the cross.
Prayer time was awesome as I prayed for my students and my students prayed for me.I felt like I was experiencing life at it’s original raw form.I feel God is trying to take us back to the Garden of Eden in a sense, where we can see the invisible and hear the inaudible.And just enjoy life as God has intended it.After all, that was the first aspect of his first commandment to humanity in the beginning of time.
Baptism
So my students got baptized.Man that was an emotional moment for some reason and it totally caught me off guard.At Inland they did the whole sprinkling thing, which I thought was more hilarious because it felt like someone spraying me like I’m a dog who did something bad.But this was different.We went to a house and we did the whole DUNKING IN THE SWIMMING POOL.Parents were crying and even one my students I believed was very teary.That or the person is allergic to chlorine.Anyways I was getting emotional.I saw why this was such an emotional people all around.There is something in the public confession of your faith as well as the submersion.I knew that for a long time because after I got baptized at inland I decided to baptize myself at the pool.Just say, “in the name of the father, son and holy spirit” then dive.I know I’m eccentric it’s been said already.But I’ve always looked at water and always associated it with God’s presence.Because if you’re only knee deep, you have control still.But when you’re immersed the power of the waves can just move you to places you would never know.DISCLAIMER:I’m not saying that we should all baptize ourselves.This was just something personal.I’m not trying to start a revolution of baptism.But man people at the ceremony were crying because I believe they were dreaming God-sized dreams for everybody who publicly proclaimed that they are now coming out of the water completely drenched with his spirit and now going to live his/her life with God informing their decision as well as the person they are to become.I love my students and when you love someone you almost naturally dream amazing things for them
One-on-ones
I’ve gotten a chance to have conversations with some individuals (students and non-students).And all I can say is that everybody is beautiful and amazing.After they opened up and spilled everything out, it felt like watching a rebirth.They just had to go through the pain again but you know that something unimaginably beautiful is about to happen.
A beautiful life doesn’t mean that it’s going to be hard, but it’s worth it and it’s life.
This movie is absolutely amazing. Shows a window into the soul of a man. The potential for extraordinary things and the potential for being extraordinary. It was moving and profound. Full of raw passion, sacrifice, guilt, and hope.
There is a part of the story where a child (Dia) is abducted by the rebels in Africa. Dia is then forced to kill. And the more he does, his soul starts to change. Towards the end of the movie his father (Solomon) saves him but when Dia gets the chance he holds his own father at gun point.
SOLOMON: Dia. What are you doing?! Dia!! Look at me. Look at me!! What are you doing? (Walking towards his son very carefully…) You are Dia Vandy of the Proumanday Tribe. You are a good boy. You love soccer, and school. Your mother loves you so much. She waits by the fire making plantains and red stew. And the new baby…. The cows wait for you, and Bakwu, the wild dog who minds no one but you. Mmm? I know they made you do bad things. You are not a bad boy. I am your father, who loves you. And you will come home with me and be my son…again. (Dia lowers the gun and then they embrace.)
WHY? Why did Dia hold him at gunpoint?
I see this happen in everyday life. When someone does seomthing to him/herself that'll hurt his/her own soul, then one of the best routes to take to save face, is to own it (but not in a good way). They admit it but they justify it as well. Am I right? I mean, how do you survive everyday conversations when someone points out something of yourself that isn't right? It could be about how you're being sexually active, or doing drugs? The path of admiting with justifying is easy to maybe because they have a good majority of people that would agree. But it's more than just the fact that nobody like's to be wrong. What they are doing is really trying to cover up their soul when the soul actually needs to be healed. And any type of fix up is usually not pleasurable. Sometimes it's not even durable... it's painful.
A real man can admit wrongs. A real man can cry And that's what makes a real man stand.
In a most powerful moment I found myself needing when I thought I had everything and I realized I could not have had anything that I didn't give away i thought i had integrity anybody who knows me knows that I hold it as the pinnacle of humanity but even I lost that which was precious to me knowing that in this sense, I'm just the same as everybody "blessed are the poor in spirit" my friend said I find myself in a powerful moment of not having it so I admit my flaws and admit my shortcomings humbled before the most of humblest of kings lifting me up from my shame away from the idol of me which was graven my savior finishes the statement "yours is the kingdom of heaven." all this in just a moment
in my last entry i threw down the gauntlet for myself
Does Jesus talk about hell more than heaven? i have researched every gospel except the gospel of John. here is the answer. Yes and No He does talk about hell a lot more than Heaven. And from my experience a lot of pastors, even the ones i look up to and still respect, would use this to justify themselves into preaching more on Hell or maybe just about hell. But he does refer to the Kingdom of Heaven more than Hell. After all, its pretty clear when Jesus says in Luke, "i must preach the GOOD news of the Kingdom of Heaven...for that is why i was sent"
I first assumed the kingdom of Heaven was in fact 'Heaven' and maybe it is in a sense. Though a lot of Pastors and theologians would argue that it isn't. But for Jesus the focus wasn't even Hell. I find alot of times that your focus is very important. From my personal experience, focusing on the negative got me straight to it.
I used to be in Tae Kwon Do almost my whole life and in Junior Year of Highschool i decided to go into the demo team, which isn't really much fighting as it is artistic. You get to break boards, do beautiful flips in the air that made you eligible for a jet li movie. But i always had a problem with back handsprings. It was just so scary. So my instructor decided to help me out like they do in gymnastics. He said he would support me as i made the back flip. Though i was unrelenting, i finally gave in and he took my belt and wrapped it around me once, just enough so the two people on my left and right could grip the slack and support me while i was in mid air. I know this may be hard to imagine but here is the important part. As i went for it, i was still lacking a lot of confidence that when i flipped i could keep my head straight and so i looked to the left and my body followed. All i remember is that my feet nailed my instructor on the left giving him a bloody mouth. i was horrified. He told me my body will go where my head is going; my focus was off. I also remember trying to quit smoking. It wasn't easy obviously. But what made it harder was what was going on inside of me: "okay one pack a week now." "cmon arvin quit smoking quit smoking." I would always go back to it. My focus was still on the cigarettes. Instead i was able to quit by focusing on the care that God had for my life.
when i look at Jesus' life he walked the talk: to preach the Good news ... the kINgdom of HEAVEN
I love how Jesus talked about how to live here and now rather than heaven or hell. How he taught us how to access the kingdom of heaven. After all, if we can't access it here and now, then what makes you think you can enter it in the afterlife. I heard a pastor say, "its not when you die that you know if you live or die, but if you are alive then life will overcome death." It's not about existing and taking up space in the present. Its about living. I love the quote from a pretty good disney film, "wall-e": "i don't want to survive i want to live!" Or how about braveheart: "Every man dies but never every man really lives." I believe this speaks deeply into our souls because we know at our core that we are called for more than this.
when Jesus did talk about Hell it was hardly to the ones seeking Him. Rather he used that scary language to the Pharisees, Saducees and teachers of the Law; maybe even people like you and me--the people who had the opportunity to play games with God. On occasion, he told it to his disciples and when asked a question first. But it's also important that we see that Jesus speaks from a broken heart. Toward the end of his rebuke of 'woes' he speaks to them collectively, "oh how I have longed to bring you close like a hen gathers the chick but you will not." There is no one who has experience unrequited love like God.
have you ever heard a pastor say, "God glories in people going to hell"? I would probably disagree with this. I don't know why some people would say this. Its not even in the bible from what i can tell. I'm sure it was nicely conjured up and elaborated with doctrinal reasoning to make God HUGE and AMAZING. I don't think we have to try and do that. I dunno maybe it's because we like mental gymnastics or just because we feel we need to justify the God whom we say we believe in. Well, God was not so concerned about giving the right answer as he was about being the answer. What i know and what is clear to me is when God says in Ezekiel that he takes no pleasure in the death of any soul. Pretty cool huh? But very different from us. Can you imagine a child mourning over a friend who hasn't found Jesus Yet and goes to a pastor for some sort of moral support and the answer she receives is, "well you know God glories in people going to hell." well from my experience, there is no need to imagine, it's been done. And it was a pretty sad day. Maybe God does glory in people going to hell, but from the honesty of my heart, Jesus never seemed to be painting that type of picture. So that phrase always looks like a concoction of something that geniuses made up because they had to explain something. Let's just look at the painting of God that Jesus drew for us.
I've heard so many pastors say that "Jesus spoke more about hell than heaven" to validate the preaching of damnation.
1st time i heard it: I didn't know any better. Didn't know and probably never read the bible. Nevertheless, i was inspired 2nd time i heard it: I have already read the new Testament and the gospels a couple times. I felt very uncomfortable with the preaching of Hell every Sunday. 3rd time i heaard it: Started recollecting all the other memories of hearing it. Decided to see for myself
i've heard from a pastor whom i would agree with most of the time: Jesus spoke of hell not to those who were seeking God but to those who had the opportunity to know him and ended up playing the religious game.
that changes everything!!! But could he be wrong as well?
Time to stop looking at google answers. and dive right into the text and let the answers come to me.
Does Jesus speak more about Hell than Heaven in the gospels? Is it a significant difference? I'll let you know my answer. But it will take awhile
~For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~
-II Corinthians 4:17-18
